Winter Ambition: A Reading List for Ballsy Women

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Helloooooo to any Bullish readers! I’m a big Jen Dziura fan. Here’s one of my favourite Bullish lines: “adult fun is better. You can drink scotch in nice places and chat with European bartenders instead of chugging wine coolers in a chilly parking lot while some guy who’s failing algebra tries to get in your bra.”

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Jen suggested ballsy books as our first blog topic. I’m a writer who basically thinks reading=breathing, so I’m thrilled to join this blog network. I’m also a doctor, so I may have a slightly different take on testicles.

Art by niera94. A bold book, wouldn't you say?

Art by niera94. A bold book, wouldn’t you say?

Ballsy #1: Balls Gone Wild
SHARP OBJECTS
When I borrowed this book from the Cornwall Public Library, the circulation clerk said, “I loved Gone Girl, but I think this one is even better. It’s weirder.”
I agree.
I tell Flynn neophytes that Gone Girl is about a twisted marriage. Sharp Objects is about a twisted family.
What I love about Gillian Flynn’s novels, having read a grand total of two, is their sheer intelligence. The woman does not pull any punches. When I’m reading her books, I’m laughing because she’s so freaking funny (my favourite Gone Girl line is the one about how real Amy wants to punch fictional Amazing Amy in her stupid, spotless vagina), but wincing at how true to life the characters are while they mentally and physically maim each other.
For example, the narrator, Camille, in Sharp Objects muses about carrying a dead nine-year-old child, Anne, through the Missouri woods like this:
It would be hard to carry a child through these woods. Branches and leaves strangle the pathway, roots bump up from the ground. [Anne’s hair] would have tangled itself in the passing brush. I kept mistaking spiderwebs for glimmering strands of hair.
I was caught right there. The horror, imagining oneself lugging the victim’s body, juxtaposed with the grace of hair and the fragile beauty of spiderwebs.
Later, Camille talks about how her adolescent facial “features changed by the day, as if clouds floated above me, casting flattering or sickly shadows on my face.” But after her sudden transformation into a beauty, “I was no longer the pity case (with, how weird, the dead sister). I was the pretty girl (with, how sad, the dead sister).”
Ain’t that the truth.
Why am I opening with Sharp Objects?
Ballsy isn’t always good. Sociopaths are ballsy. They’re not my role model. We need kindness and compassion too. So I remember the ups of having guts (yes, I’d like to be a New York Times bestseller like Gillian Flynn) and the downside (not enough to kill children and pull out their teeth).

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Full disclosure: I have a vested interest in Gillian Flynn. Kobo sponsored me to write three mystery short stories inspired by Gone Girl in their $5000 Going Going Gone Contest (yep, you could win five grand and a Kobo Aura H2O just for reading three stories and solving three clues before October 10th). But I’d recommend GF anyway. She’s the real deal. Thrilled to see the movie tonight. [Update: saw it. Hooray!]

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Ballsy #2: Gonads Get Rich
MONEYGEEK.CA
Financial advisors will tell you that they add value, and that’s why they should get paid. I understand this, and I do recommend one of my financial advisors, Jessica Sarrazin, who has just started in the business, but offers personalized, meticulous care.
Financial independents (not sure what else to call them. People who want to strike out on their own) know that index funds usually outperform mutual funds. So they go direct and cut out the middle man.
But obviously, it’s confusing to jump into financial waters, especially if you don’t have a clue. So—ta dah!—I recommend http://www.moneygeek.ca. Jin Won Choi explains concepts clearly and without a lot of fanfare (does anyone else hate financial websites aimed at women that have way too high a pink:content ratio?). Jin understands math, since he’s a 31-year-old Ph.D. in mathematics, and he doesn’t get bogged down in jargon like some other sites. I did get a basic membership, but most of his content is free and relevant, even if you’re not Canadian like us. Read through his blog, click on his tools, and see if he works for you. The Short Book on Investments (http://www.moneygeek.ca/book/), his free e-book, in exchange for your e-mail address, is a good staring point.

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Ballsy #3: Testicular Torsion
GENE LUEN YANG
What? Another Asian guy? Yes, and he’s brilliant in a different way. American Born Chinese was the first graphic novel nominated for the National Book Award, somehow combining tales of Chinese legends, schoolboy politics, and friendship. I’ve read it to my son several times. While I was inwardly squirming at Chin-Kee, the deliberately stereotypical Chinese cousin, Max was laughing.
Boxers and Saints tells the story of the Boxer Rebellion in China from two different points of view, a boy who becomes a rebel and a girl who joins the Christians.
In Level Up, Dennis’s parents pressure him to become a doctor, but he’d rather play video games. You might think you know how it ends, but I was surprised and touched by the last page.
Gene Yang illustrates the struggle between family, calling, ambition, and friendship. Balls against the world. Balls from multiple points of view. Hence the medical joke title (testicular torsion is when a testicle accidentally swivels around and cuts off its own blood supply. Gene Yang shows you how how to turn around).

I could go on, but I can’t wait to see what everyone else recommends. Cheers, and happy reading!

Behind the Scenes: Kobo’s Going Going Gone Contest #4: The Waiting.

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Hello, my beautiful people. Sorry for the blog silence, but I was exhausted from my Books & Bodies launch/birthday/Gen’s birthday/ER shifts. Now I’m ready to yank back the curtain once more to tell you all about my secret $5000 Going Going Gone contest deal with Kobo. Start with Part 1: The e-mail, Part 2: The Call, & Part 3: The Reading.

The waiting

July 7

I texted Mark that I’d finished Gone Girl.

He replied, Cool. Marketing was going to get back to him about theme(s).

 

July 15

The movie premiere was October third. That wasn’t going to change. Surely, if they wanted me to write these stories, they’d have to figure it out soon?

Or…not do it at all.

 

Worried. Idle. Worried some more. Photo by Ryan McGuire Pixabay.

Worried. Idle. Worried some more. Photo by Ryan McGuire Pixabay.

 

Hey Mark, any luck?

Tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

Now I remembered the un-glamorous part of dealing with corporations: you have no idea what’s going on with their machinations. I waited months for CBC Radio to green light a pilot script for the Code Blues radio drama, with no idea if it would pan out or not.

One line from Mark stood out for me: Fingers crossed.

That was when I understood that my inside Director was pulling for me, but couldn’t guarantee anything.

My Secret Deal might mean No Deal.

Dang.

__

But for you, my darlings, the waiting is over! The third Hope Sze story, Butcher’s Hook, is now live, the Going Going Gone Contest is open, and YOU can win $5000 and a Kobo H2O Aura, the world’s first waterproof e-reader! Go forth, read, and make money!

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Behind the Scenes: Kobo’s Going Going Gone Contest #3: The Reading.

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A confidential peek behind the curtain at my secret Cinderella Going Going Gone contest deal with Kobo. Start with Part 1: The e-mail & Part 2: The Call.

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Okay! My mission was clear.

Read Gone Girl.

I’d heard of it, but never run out and read Gillian Flynn. Now that Kobo was commissioning me to write Gone Girl-inspired stories, though, you bet I immediately downloaded a copy (yup, from Kobo) and started devouring it.

Gillian Flynn’s writing blew me away.

So witty and funny, but underneath, saying very caustic, actually frightening things about intimacy and marriage. That romantic love might be the worst thing that ever happened to you. That you might be better off alone than trapped in a marriage with someone who only wants to make you suffer, and everyone else suffer, until the end of time, amen.

My favourite line was about how the real Amy wanted to punch her parents’ fictional Amy character in her stupid, spotless vagina. But I was constantly highlighting lines and honest to God laughing out loud (people always say lol, but I think most of them aren’t really splitting the atmosphere with their guffaws). Gone Girl was a tour de force: character, plot, humour, and…deviance.

Well played, Gillian.

Okay. I’d done my homework.  One of my book clubs had even picked Gone Girl as their next read. I’d cleared my mental writing desk, finishing my two Hope Sze short story submissions for Jewish Noir and Montreal Noir and revising my second mystery romp, The Goa Yoga School of Slayers.

Now what?

___

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Your Choose Your Own Adventure path is clear today: September 16th, Kobo releases the second Gone Fishing short story, Trouble and Strife. Download it, solve the riddle, and you’re 2/3 of the way to winning the prizes of $5000 and a Kobo H2O Aura so you can read underwater!

Merci bien to anyone from Sleuthsayers who stops by. My spies inform me that people around the world checked out the Cinderella sleuth post, including armchair detectives from South Africa, France and Germany. W00t!

Special thanks to Anne, my new friend who told me that she’s enjoying this “behind the scene” series, thus encouraging me to continue. Not only did she personally deliver wood for us this winter (“Good-looking wood,” said my father-in-law), but she’s coming to the Books & Bodies event on Saturday (her birthday), and she’s making cupcakes or muffins. My son Max nearly split himself with joy, and I wasn’t far behind.

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Behind the Scenes: Kobo’s Going Going Gone Contest #2. The Call.

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This is part of an ongoing series of how I, Melissa ‘Yi,’ a member of the great unwashed authors, became the centrepiece of Kobo’s international Going Going Gone Contest celebrating Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl. Start at Part 1. The E-mail.

June 25th, 2014, 10:40 p.m.

After the speeches and hugs for my departing doctor, somehow, it was past bedtime before I got home and texted Mark.

I wouldn’t text the average person at bedtime, but Mark barely sleeps. That’s only way he can cram in the job he loves, his family, his writing, and commuting to and from Toronto with a skeleton named Barnaby Bones.

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Right away the little “…” dots started working on my phone, so he was up and answering. I warned him that I use Google Chat to call long distance. My friends are always either refusing to pick up because they think I’m a telemarketer, or they’re like, “Are you in California?”

Then I dialed him. “Sorry to call so late.”

“No problem. I’m driving to Sudbury, and I still have two or three hours to go.”

“You’re driving to Sudbury?” I’ve never been to Sudbury, even though it’s the main trauma centre in northern Ontario. In my mind, it’s hideously remote, although I’ve worked further north, including Cochrane (north of Timmins) and Dryden (near the Manitoba border), as well as various towns in Nunavut, Quebec.

“I’ve got some events for Spooky Sudbury and Tomes of Terror.”


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Hard core, thy name is Mark Leslie Lefebvre. But I already knew that. So now he had to tell me about the Secret Deal.

Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl hit the New York Times bestseller list in 2012, wowing everyone with its clues and plot twists. The movie premieres October 3rd, 2014. If I wrote two or three stories as a thriller-mystery, readers could solve the puzzles and win a prize.

“We wanted a woman, because Gillian’s a woman. Someone who wrote thrillers. A good writer that we could take to the next level. And someone who can write fast. There aren’t very many of them. But I said, ‘I think I know someone.’”

Um, I think I know a dozen of someones who fit the bill. But I just coughed and said, “Great!”

Kobo did this last year with Joanna “JF” Penn. Her three “Descent” short stories tied into Dan Brown’s Inferno, with a prize of $5000.

I couldn’t help thinking, what a draw. People could get paid FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS to read my stories. Hello.

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Writing often feels like shouting into the wilderness. No one hears you and no one cares. Editors reject you. Friends have flat out told me that they don’t read (no time, don’t care, would rather watch TV). Remaining readers pass over your work. I’m lucky enough to have built up a teeny fan base, but loyal readers are as rare and as precious as gold-plated rubies.

But everyone loves money.

Sign me up!

___

Psst. Would you like to scoop up that briefcase of $5000? Plus a Kobo H2O Aura, the world’s first waterproof e-reader? Without having to murder anyone? Then enter Kobo’s Going Going Gone Contest, download three Melissa Yi stories for free, solve the riddles and win! Contest closes October tenth, 2014. Story #2 launches Sept. 16th.

Download the first story for free and solve the riddle! http://www.kobo.com/gone

Download the first story for free and solve the riddle! http://www.kobo.com/gone

P.S. My last shift before I’m taking the week off for my Books & Bodies launch. Wish me luck on both.

Saturday, Sept 20th: Student Body debuts at 10:30 a.m. at R&L's Book Nook & 2 p.m. at the Cornwall Public Library

Saturday, Sept 20th: Student Body debuts at 10:30 a.m. at R&L’s Book Nook & 2 p.m. at the Cornwall Public Library

Behind the Scenes: Kobo’s Going Going Gone Contest #1. The E-Mail.

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So. How did I, a relatively unknown writer living in rural Canada, end up at the centre of Kobo’s new $5000 Going Going Gone contest?

I will tell you. Cindie Geddes, for one, wants to know. Read on.

June 25th, 2014

I happened to check my phone while eating steamed asparagus at Alexandria’s fanciest restaurant, the Georgian House.

That was unusual for me. First of all, I’m old school. When I’m at a party, I try to focus on the people I’m partying with. This was the going-away shindig for my own family doctor, the intelligent and kind Dr. Chris Millman.

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Secondly, I use my phone in the emergency room, so I have to wash my hands every time I touch it, for fear of eating MRSA. But I ended up networking and entering a few new contacts, so I’d already touched my phone. Why not have a quick boo at my messages?

This time, an e-mail made me hyperventilate.

Hi Melissa:

Hope you’re doing well.  I wanted to reach out to see if you might be interested in participating in a short fiction project…

The email went on to describe Kobo’s desire to solicit a writer to create a series of mystery/thriller stories that Kobo readers could read for free to extract clues as part of a contest Kobo would be running that tied in with the release of the movie based on Gillian Flynn’s GONE GIRL.

It was signed by Mark Lefebvre.

Holy macaroni salad.

Mark is the Kobo Director of Author Relations and Self-Publishing.

I’m a huge fan of his. Not only is he this corporate muckety-muck who uses his powers for good instead of greed-mongering, he’s also a writer, an editor (in fact, my editor, since he’d chosen one of my stories for one of his anthologies, Tesseracts 16), and celebrated a recent birthday by running through 10 kilometres of mud.

After I won Kobo’s professional cover contest and did a book launch in March, Mark drove from Toronto to my neck of the woods and back—about a 12 hour round trip, even without the blizzard that complicated matters—to star as Elvis. Long story, but my novel, Terminally Ill, features an Elvis tribute artist/escape artist who gets resuscitated by my main woman, Dr. Hope Sze.

Mark is always rushing off to ten million conferences around the world, not to mention billable hours at Kobo, plus editing and writing on his own time, so we basically never talk. But here he was, delivering an opportunity gift-wrapped on a plate.

My heart thudded.

I left the restaurant table and re-read the message.

There was only one answer, of course. Mark was asking, “Do you want to level up in your writing career while we promote you and pay you?”

I wrote back,

Absolutely yes. Thank you, Mark. I’ll read Gone Girl ASAP.

Melissa

If Mark called you and offered you a big, juicy opportunity, would you take it? Note: this is my 3 y.o. daughter, not Mark. She is not 6'3" and a Kobo Director/fairy godfather. Yet.

If Mark called you and offered you a big, juicy opportunity, would you take it?
Note: this is my 3 y.o. daughter, not Mark. She is not 6’3″ and a Kobo Director/fairy godfather. Yet.

___

Want to win $5000 and a Kobo Aura H2O, the world’s first waterproof e-reader? Of course you do. So pop over here:http://www.kobo.com/gone

Download the first story for free and solve the riddle! http://www.kobo.com/gone

Download the first story for free and solve the riddle! http://www.kobo.com/gone

READ HOPE & WIN A KOBO AURA H2O & $5000: Kobo’s Going Going Gone Contest, featuring Hope Sze (Secret deal reveal)!!!!!!!!!!

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1. Do you like money?

2. Do you love to read? Like, all the time? At the beach, or in the bath, even?

3. Do you like my crime-fighting doctor, Hope Sze?

Well, now you can scoop up $5000 and read about Hope under the Atlantic Ocean, if you want to, through the generosity and creative engineering of Kobo!

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This is my Cinderella moment, so bear with me. I am so excited about this.

You could win five thousand dollars and a Kobo with Hope Sze, thanks to Kobo’s Going Going Gone contest!

Download three Hope Sze Gone Fishing mystery stories for free, solve one riddle per story, and you could win five thousand large and the world’s splashiest e-reader, the waterproof Kobo H2O!

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I love my readers, but I sometimes feel guilty taking your hard-earned money. Now Kobo is giving money to YOU!

Read it, solve it, and walk away five thousand dollars richer and one Kobo smarter.

Readers win.

Intelligence wins.

Okay, luck plays a role too. But come on. When was the last time someone paid you five grand and gifted you the latest Kobo for reading three stories?

Three stories that pay homage to Gillian Flynn’s hilarious, twisted, fierce novel, Gone Girl. Just in time for the TV show, Sharp Objects, and the Gone Girl movie.

In the intertwined Gone Fishing mystery stories (“Cain and Abel,” “Trouble and Strife,” and “Butcher’s Hook”), Hope escapes the hospital to take her dad fishing on the Madawaska River for his birthday, only to discover that her own family might represent the most dangerous wildlife of all.

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Yes! Please feel free to share the link http://www.kobo.com/gone, to brainstorm solutions, and of course to admire Kobo’s beautiful platform and their newest e-reader, the Aura H2O, which can go underwater.

Questions? Ask me here or at Books & Bodies on September 20th (https://www.facebook.com/events/339804726168479/), where the latest Hope Sze novella, Student Body, meets yoga and belly dancing.

And tune into my blog for some behind the scenes talk about how the secret deal unfolded.

So what would you do with five thousand dollars and the world’s most innovative Kobo?

Take Grandma out to dinner? Fly to Africa? Save the rainforest? Buy a new set of boobs? Pay off your debts? Buy more books? All of the above?

Your choice. Read Hope and win. #readanywhere